Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
