I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
