bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
