Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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