As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize