So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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