sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
