There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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