HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
