every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
