I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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