How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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