My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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