Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
4 words: hood of his car
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
