Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
