you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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