it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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