she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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