I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
