hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
false alarm, still single
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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