He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
