How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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