After last night, I could never be a politician.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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