If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
