Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
