my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize