I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
