U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
