Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
