whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
