yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
