I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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