Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
