i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
