We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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