Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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