I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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