So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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