she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
