mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize