Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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