I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
