Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
