Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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