I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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