I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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