i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
