I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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