there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
