Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
