i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
