honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
