You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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