She is in my trunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
