R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Where is the hickey?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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