i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
