I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
