I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
