they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
