weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
