Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
