So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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