remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
