I smell stomach acid.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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