frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
