so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
